On Facebook this week I was trying to get people to subscribe to the blog so they could get notified when a new podcast came out or when any other information was available. In the post I said that in Lauterbrunnen I recorded a “low quality, crap podcast.” A listener wrote this, “Please don’t berate yourself. It’s the only thing I don’t like about your podcast.” Her comment made me think for a long time.
I am learning that this a problem of mine. I met with a life coach yesterday and she told me one of my biggest problems is my negative self-talk. I had to write down my thoughts all day yesterday and watch what effect they had on my day. And do you know what I learned? I berate myself all day long! “You are so lazy.” “Could you be more unorganized?” “You can’t even get busy the exact day you went to get help!” It was ridiculous. I didn’t realize how often I did it. It made me really sad. How did I get here?
But then I came to a realization. Satan is the one berating me. I’ve just gotten used to his words and have incorporated them as my own. When I stopped and started saying good things to myself, my day changed. I was able to accomplish A LOT. My desire changed. I had to say to myself, “You can be organized. You can accomplish a lot! You are smart.” I felt a little like Stuart Smalley. It felt weird and somewhat wrong. Ya, I said wrong. It’s going to take some getting used to.
Joy D. Jones said, “. . . how many of us struggle, from time to time, with negative thoughts or feelings about ourselves? I do. It’s an easy trap. Satan is the father of all lies, especially when it comes to misrepresentations about our own divine nature and purpose. Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well. Instead it holds us back.” I’ve thought about that phrase so many times since she said it. “Thinking small about ourselves does not serve us well.” It doesn’t serve me well. In fact, I’ve let it hold me back for far too many years.
I’m not exactly sure how I am going to correct this. I don’t notice I do it half the time. But maybe I’ll follow the advice found in Romans 12:12. Paul counseled us to be “instant in prayer.” Maybe when I start down that road and start noticing I’m doing it, I can start to pray. “Heavenly Father! Satan is back again and telling me all sorts of lies. I’m sick of it. Will you help me see some good in me today. Will you help me to conquer his words with better ones?” Sometimes I have very little faith in myself, but I have all the faith in my Heavenly Father. I just need to rely on Him more. He’s ready to help me. I think like any good parent He’s ready and wanting to show us how He feels about us.
Almost every time I do this, I’m filled with all sorts of love. He looks past so much. We need to realize this. I need to realize this. He said to me yesterday, “Melanie! You went and ministered to your brand new sister and you didn’t even have a treat to share. That’s hard to go up and say, ‘I’m just here to love you.’ But you did that!” And that thought compounded upon other thoughts until I was up, being productive and accomplishing the things I wanted to accomplish.
So, I’m going to say that I know I have a lot of faults. I know I constantly mess up and don’t always do what I know I should. (I just started listing a mountain of my faults! What the heck man?! I can’t even stay focused on what I’m trying to do while I’m doing it!) What I was trying to say is that although I’m far from perfect, I love my Heavenly Father. I like to share my testimony. I have a happy laugh and pretty smile. I have a good heart and I want to help people. I love deeply and I’m pretty funny.
Please don’t write nice things about me. This isn’t a post begging for compliments. It’s the opposite. It’s a post about me learning to stop thinking small and to start looking at myself the way God looks at me. Try it. It feels pretty good. I’m sick of Satan trying to convince me I’m the worst. He’s the one who’s the worst!
So for today, “I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And dog gone it, people like me!”